I was browsing through some journaling prompts I found online and came across one that made me pause: When was the last time you did something you’re passionate about?

The short answer is: I can’t remember a time that I’ve ever been passionate about anything.

This disturbs me. Am I floating through life just existing, not making a difference in anyone’s life? More importantly, what kind of example am I setting for my child? I’ve lectured her quite a few times about finding something in her life she can be passionate about instead of watching tv or spending hours on her computer. Maybe what I was really saying to her was – don’t end up like me. This really got me thinking, so much so that I can barely write this post.

I want to have something of my own that I’m passionate about. I want to have something that motivates me, pushes me and challenges me. I want to show my daughter (and myself) how fulfilling life can be when you’re passionate about something. I want to feel the satisfaction that comes from the accomplishments and achieving the goals.

How do I do that? How do I find what I’m passionate about? Do I go out and look for it? Does it find me?

One thing that’s come out of this introspection is this: I’m coming to a realization that I might not be the person I thought I was. Even though I’ve felt myself changing over the past couple of years – changing into a soft-centered, cranky, dead fish that points out the flaws of others and follows a very well tread path – I’ve made one hell of an effort to deny it. If you were to ask me to describe myself, I would probably list those qualities as all of the things I’m not and proceed to tell you what an assertive, intelligent, compassionate woman I am and how I strive to make my own path in life.

Who am I trying to fool? Myself apparently.

Hmm, this topic requires more thought…