You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September, 2008.
i feel like a day old, room temperature cocktail of anxiety and lethargy.
Dear Nicole,
You turn fourteen next month and, as usual, I sit and wonder how you’re growing up so fast. This has been your biggest year of changes so far. I can see the difference in you and I’m trying to encourage you the best I can. I’m in a tough spot though because all I want to do is hold you and protect you. Logically, I know you need to do these things on your own and sometimes learn the hard way (because you’re just like me), but the mother in me wants tell you where the obstacles are and how to avoid the heartache and hard times. And you, all you want to do is break free and experience everything you can. I’m so proud of you for this enthusiasm and eagerness to experience life but just know that it scares the hell out of me.
Our relationship has suffered a few dings this year but nothing too major. I’m trying to find the balance between giving you more space and enforcing the rules and you’re not sure how to handle all of your crazy mood swings. Sometimes I desperately want to go back to the days when you thought I was your everything and we were inseparable. But, I know you need this space in your life right now. You need validation you can do things yourself without me guiding you or hovering close by in case you fall. Trust me when I say I’m trying. Also trust me when I say I have all the faith in the world that you’ll succeed.
You’re becoming your own person faster than I can adjust. You have opinions, intelligent ones you can defend. You have ideas, creative ones that challenge normalcy. You have a sense of self, one that sees and appreciates how unique and wonderful you are. So far you’ve been level headed about things that other kids your age are going nuts about, like boys for example. Other girls your age are wearing extremely low cut shirts, clinging to boys, doing everything they can to get their attention. You, however, are very cool about the whole thing. You’ve taken a step back and you’re looking at things from a different perspective. You see how they’re acting like fools and you separate yourself from them. This is useful tool to master my dear. This will help you make better decisions and see opportunities where it appears there are none. I see how you’re different from the others, and I know you see it too. You might feel like you don’t fit in because of it. And you might feel like you’re always on the outside looking in but that’s just because you’re making your own path in life, you’re not following others. Hang in there, it won’t always feel that lonely.
Just know I’m always here for you. And every day I look forward to experiencing the next new thing in your life and seeing what an amazing young woman you’re turning out to be.
Love,
Mom
